Three Good Things: Finding Home 3.3
A little later than I would have liked, but here it is... the May edition of Finding Home. A couple weeks ago, I was all excited to write it, but then... well... I'll just let this month's letter speak for itself. Read on for a little bit on seeking gratitude in a harsh world, plus something fun and free that I made with my poet friends.
I.
We're making wings and nachos for our Wednesday night friend dinner group, when Katie says hello and asks, "What were three good things that happened to you today?"
It's a great question, but it catches me off guard. I pause and review my day. "Wow... um... this should not be so hard."
"Yeah, I always ask my customers that question. Sometimes I just ask for one thing... coming up with three is hard!"
After a bit of rumination I think of my three things: I've taken the next step toward something I've wanted to do for a while, I finally went grocery shopping because our fridge was getting empty, and I bought a bunch of big, beautiful radishes just because they were pretty and cheap.
"Oh... and I get to play with a dog tonight, so that's a good thing too."
Coming up with three good things shouldn't be hard. I'm among friends, I have my health, and some delicious yet definitely not nutritious wings and nachos are in the oven.
But sometimes, you have to squint a little to block out the harshness of the world and notice the good.
II.
Two weeks ago, I walked out of the movie theater after watching Avengers: Endgame for the second time. I didn't feel the plot twists and surprises so intensely this time, knowing how it all ends, but that didn't stop me from tearing up as the final battle began and the stories of characters I'd been watching for ten years resolved.
Chris had already left once the credits started rolling, but hey, it's a Marvel movie. I'm well trained to at least sit to the mid-credits.
I found him outside, staring at his phone. He looked up.
"Rachel Held Evans died."
That feeling of rightness and resolve crumbled in just a few words.
I knew she was sick. I'd been praying for her and checking her website for updates, and we donated to the GoFundMe. The reality that someone so close to my age could go to the hospital with the flu and an infection and never come home was emotionally gutting.
It felt like losing family... probably because, in a bigger "Family of God" sense, it is.
Days later, Jean Vanier passed. He was certainly less well-known. He was nearly 90. He didn't have a social media presence or rankle the establishment or get in notable Twitter debates. But I knew of his work from reading The Way of the Dragon or the Way of the Lamb a couple years ago, and the story of L'Arche runs through all the Henri Nouwen books I've been reading this year. Providing a home, love, and friendship for disabled people and their caretakers was his legacy.
Both reflected their long obedience in their own ways. When it comes to faithfulness, it's not the length of that obedience that matters most.
III.
There's always something to be sad or angry or scared or frustrated about, it seems. There was the outpouring of grief for Rachel and her family, but in the weeks to follow came new things -- renewed vigor in the abortion debate, Christian Twitter arguing about women's roles in the church, watching people try to figure all the mess out (sometimes gracefully, all too often... not). And that's not even counting the personal struggles affecting people I love, sadnesses and challenges that won't make the news or get a trending hashtag.
Sometimes I feel like it's running away to focus on the good things... to log off, go outside, laugh at a TV show, read a kids mystery novel because everything you're taking in is so heavy and it's good to feel a little wonder in the world.
And yet... I need to run away sometimes. Maybe we all need to run away, collect ourselves, and remember the good things.
IV.
Katie's question sticks with me. I wonder what it would look like to ask myself this question at the end of every day, like an examen.
I remember the words of the prodigal son's father to the bitter older brother: "Everything I have is yours," so I ask for a reminder of the good things. When I listen closely, I discover they are too numerous to name...
I woke up. I have those beautiful radishes and morning coffee. The sun is out. The trees are blooming. I have friends who meet for dinner on Wednesday nights and family who love me. I have books that stay behind when the souls that birthed them walk into the next adventure. I have stories to remind me that some bigger stories are still true, and there's a deeper magic can still transform winter into green.
Suddenly, the good things -- of today, of a week, of a year, of a lifetime -- are piling up, spilling over, and someday they will bury all this death and chaos into something fresh, right, new.
Until then... I will remember them, and hold them tight.
And so, I return the question to you... what are three good things that happened today? Hit reply and tell me, because I would love to hear them.
NEW POEMS!
Well, the sad reality of this month is I don't really have any links to share of things I wrote... not because I haven't been writing, but because a lot of it is behind the scenes. So that said... here's one of those things! My friends at The Poetry Pub Facebook group just released our first digital chapbook and you can get it for free on Noisetrade books!
I had so much fun editing this, and think we've got a lovely little collection here. (Plus, I have one of my favorite never-before-published new poems hanging out in here) Enjoy... oh, and while you definitely don't have to leave a tip, if you do we will donate it directly to The Rabbit Room, since we all love them and they're pretty much the reason this gang of poets exists.
5 THINGS I LOVE RIGHT NOW
1) My enthusiasm for Endgame is pretty clear, and I'm still on that hype train. (there's a reason "MCU Enthusiast" is part of my Twitter bio now) I haven't figured out anything to write that hasn't been written before, but my friends at The Rabbit Room have two splendid takes, here and here.
2) Also in movie news, Tolkien was a surprisingly lovely film. To steal from Chris' Twitter review: "A beautiful love letter to language and imagination and the Professor." Is this the push I need to finally re-read LOTR? MAYBE.
3) It is actually warm enough to wear t-shirts hallelujah. We turned the heat off... and back on... and off again. It'll take a May blizzard to convince me to turn it back on.
4) Going to Maine for a post-school year / pre-anniversary adventure next week. Bring on the mountains and ocean and super quiet cabin on a lake where I can peace out from the world and read and think about my life choices.
5) The Brooklyn Nine-Nine season finale gave me all the lolz. Look, some TV characters are so terrible their presence stresses me out, but if Wuntch returned once a season just for Holt's increasingly absurd insults, I wouldn't be mad about it.
That's all I got this month. Thanks for waiting for me and reading. As always, you're welcome to reply anytime. Seriously, I love hearing from you. <3
I have a couple fun things to tell you about next time. (suspense!) But for now, happy spring to you.
~Jen
jenroseyokel.com