That Awkward Silence: Faith, Art, and Finding Home #4
You know the thing where you haven't talked to someone in so long that both keeping and breaking the silence is awkward? It's a never ending spiral... you haven't talked to so and so in forever. You think about calling, or emailing, or even just sending a text. But oh, it's been super long, and they're most likely either unconcerned or completely annoyed with you, and you don't really have anything to say anyway. The only real solution is lurking on Facebook and occasionally liking a post. Or just, y'know, lurking.
That's pretty much what happened with this letter, I guess. I missed March, and now April is quickly disappearing. So then, here's a broken silence before the delay slips into two months and I bail on this project altogether.
I don't have anything profound to say in this spot right now. I envisioned writing something wonderful for you and pretending the whole "I totally missed a month" thing didn't happen. A couple weeks ago, I grabbed my notebook, drove to a quiet body of water, and sat in the grass to pour my soul into some kind of profound essay.
It was, um... mopey writer angst. So yeah, that didn't work.
April is fading. Tomorrow begins a crazy blur of traveling, and then it will be May. The best I have to give to this space? Some scattered thoughts followed by lots of links.
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February Fatigue is my new name for the end of winter blahs. Except after this mild winter, it didn't really hit until March and April. Seriously, it snowed here a few weeks ago. I like pretty snow too, but come on Massachusetts...
Sometimes when I go driving, I look at the still brown and mostly bare trees, and I long to see them green again. Ache for it. Like, it's finally warming up, but they look like they're trying so hard to bud and blossom, and I want them to succeed so maybe when they take on their new layers I can shed some of my old ones. All things new.
I haven't done much writing for myself lately. I sit down to do it, and I freeze up. I tell myself I have nothing really useful or interesting to say.
At our Bible study group (a new adventure in community that I should tell you about sometime... I love them), we studied the parable of the ten minas, the story of a king who blasted a servant that was too scared to invest the single, small thing he was given. I've heard this story explained so many times over the years, but when I step back to look at a parable as it is, the uncomfortable weirdness of the story leaves me with more questions than answers. In a smaller group conversation, I confided out loud that maybe my mina is creating with words, and maybe I've been scared to invest it because I believed others' work was worth more than mine.
The next day, I learned a kind friend had added my book of poetry to her Colorado church library's collection.
And I've noticed the slowly appearing blooms... pink and white emerging from trees. Yellow forsythia in our yard. New leaves, bright green, finally unfolding. And daffodils. Does any other flower look more like happiness?
There isn't much of a conclusion to this story, because it's still in progress. But I am thankful for these little reminders to keep at it... grace upon grace upon small, delightful, senseless grace.
WRITING ELSEWHERE
Lent is already long behind us, but hey, it's still Eastertide for a few more weeks. Here's a piece for The Rabbit Room reflecting on the tension of my Lenten experience. Also, you can read one of my Molehill Vol. 4 poems there.
Back in February, I picked up a freelance gig with CCM Magazine, and High School Jen was kind of impressed with Boring Adult Jen. Most of the time, I'm writing bonus content for the website, but I had a chance to interview new artist Hollyn for a feature.
I just finished reading David Dark's new book Life's Too Short to Pretend You're Not Religious. It's as much thought-provoking awesomesauce as the title and extremely red cover suggest. A Rabbit Room review is in the works! In the meantime, here's a quote I posted on my blog. There could have been many more quote blog things.
OTHER COOL THINGS
Can it be? Yes, Ruins & Kingdoms, my little book of poetry is hanging out at the Christ Center Library in Fort Collins, CO! This picture kind of made my day. Thanks Super Rad Librarian Laure Hittle for sharing with your patrons! <3
Northeast Friends! Chris and I will both be reading some poetry at the second annual Silence the Stones, May 7th at Trinity Church in Bolton, MA! Last year was so much fun, and I can't wait to be part of this again. It's free too! Find out more and RSVP at their Facebook event page.
Speaking of.... just ordered a fresh box of books for Silence the Stones. If you don't have a copy yet (or you want an extra or two to share!) reply to this email and let me know. Considering doing a special sale just for Tiny Letter subscribers, and I'm curious if anybody's interested. Like, 10% off + free shipping + signed with love that you won't get from Amazon. :)
If that sounds good to you, email me, k?
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Thanks, as always, for reading and caring, even when I miss a month. Currently this letter has 31 readers, and that makes me super happy. :)
Happy Spring!
~Jen