On Practicing Lent: Finding Home 4.2
Welcome to the (day late) February edition of Finding Home! And a special welcome to those of you who are receiving this for the first time. This is a monthly(ish) space where I share something new I wrote, links to other pieces around the web, and a quick list of some things I’m enjoying. I called it Finding Home because I started this newsletter shortly after moving from Florida to New England. Even though I’m feeling more settled these days, I think we’re all looking for home in one way or another… so for now, the title stands.
Read on for some reflections on Ash Wednesday and Lent, as well as some links for Lent and a few things I've been enjoying lately. As always, feel free to reply to this email if you want. I love hearing from you!
***
All the lights are on and the sounds of band rehearsal fill the room as the uniformed girls make their way down the aisle. They gather in a small cluster at the front of the church, and one by one receive the mark of ashes from a woman they’ve never met, in a city they don’t call home.
Later, I learned they were a synchronized skate team competing in Providence for the day. Maybe it was sincere piety, or maybe it was tradition and duty that compelled them to call local churches in search of an Ash Wednesday service.
They couldn’t make it by 6:30. Couldn’t participate in the liturgy or join in songs. But they were welcomed in early and received their memento mori, taking a gentle pause before returning to the real world, the midnight dark ash from unfamiliar hands smudging their foreheads.
***
Lent and I have often had a strange relationship. I grew up Baptist-influenced and non-denominational, where such things were fascinating curiosities at best, empty ritual at worst. But as I've gotten older, slowly the liturgical calendar has reshaped my year.
The joyful anticipation of Advent. The extended feasts of Christmastide and Eastertide. The gentle rhythm of Ordinary Time. The knowledge that generations around the world have walked these old paths together.
Maybe 10 years ago, I read a blog post from a lifelong Protestant who began observing Lent because he was tired of the highest of holy days, Easter, sneaking up on him year after year. And something in this story resonated. I still have to check the calendar multiple times every year to be certain of Easter's date, but when a 46 day countdown begins in the dead of winter, resurrection glory is harder to miss.
So, I gave up coffee and I tried to practice in my faltering way. I failed and restarted and failed again. It was a surprisingly meaningful practice, so I tried again the following year. And then again. Fumbling and often questioning the point of it all.
***
Ash Wednesday is a new addition to my liturgical calendar, only a few years old. The first time I received ashes, I was startled by how gritty they felt as the cross was drawn on my forehead.
Sometimes, I’m told, the ash doesn’t cooperate. It's mixed with oil so it sticks, and instead of a fine perfect powder, it forms little clumps that can crumble and dig into the skin. It hurts just a little. Sometimes it crumbles and gets everywhere — on your clothes, in your eyes.
Death is messy. So is this ritual. It’s only right.
***
Lent is complicated when you’re natural bent is moral perfectionism. On the one hand, I want to do things perfectly — to stick to my fast, to keep it a secret, to actually fill my lack with a positive practice. On the other, I hold my disciplines loosely, grace in constant negotiation with the legalist who only aims her crticisms inward.
In 2017, I opted out of Lent. It was a hard year in so many ways, so hard I knew I wouldn't need a caffeine craving to remind me to pause and lament. But this year, I finally feel ready to fully enter the season again. Fasting. Prayer. Feast days. All of it.
I have a couple of small practices set aside, giving up a small pleasure and taking up prayer and focused Scripture reading. I’m doing this because there’s a lot to lament in the world, from the fear of disease to contentious elections to fracturing relationships to systemic injustice. I don’t know if small sacrifices make much of a difference. In fact, just yesterday, I considered quitting my fast because I couldn't see a purpose in it. But I hope, at the very least, these small shifts will soften me where I need to be softened, and remind me to keep my eyes open.
And so, this is my prayer for you too as you enter this season. Maybe you’re already committed to fasting or some other practice. Maybe you’re trying to decide if you should. Or maybe, like 2017 me, you’re opting out because life is hard and one more burden is simply too much to carry.
All of these choices are holy. Fortunately, the Easter sun is sure to rise.
***
After the Ash Wednesday service, as people began to filter out and the band started packing up their instruments, I left my post at the sound board and headed forward to collect batteries and receive my own ashes. I met my pastor along the way, paused by the stage door, and lowered my gaze.
“From dust you are. To dust you will return,” he whispered.
Then, a postscript: “You are loved.”
I am dust. This will end. But I am loved.
That’s enough.
LINKS FOR LENT
There are so many ways to observe Lent, and it’s not just about fasting! If you’re looking for something different this year, here are a few ideas I’ve found. I’m planning to post these on my blog soon and add to the list, so if you have an idea to add, feel free to hit reply and share!
40 Simple Practices for Lent by Sarah Bessey - I love how simple and non-traditional some of these are. For example: “Day Six: Unfollow or mute five social media accounts that make you feel angry, afraid, or envious.” I'm here for that.
The Repentance Project: An American Lent - I came across this series of devotional readings and prayers centered around racial injustice last year. If your focus for Lent is praying for racial healing, this is a great resource.
The Book of Waking Up by Seth Haines - It’s not a Lent book, per se, but it is about coming alive and waking up, so it’s a slow resurrection book. I wish I had the brain space to read all the books, but since I don’t, I will for sure make room for this one. (As well as reading Jeremiah with the She Reads Truth community)
WRITING ELSEWHERE
This month, my first devotionals for She Reads Truth went live! I wrote three pieces for their recent Philippians study, and have one more on the way for Lent. If you missed them, check out Christian Humility, Reaching Forward to God’s Goal, and Encouragement and Prayer.
Other than some freelance work that isn't exactly shareable, that… was about it for me, haha.
But! Currently curating a new chapbook for Lent and Easter, featuring work by my people at The Poetry Pub. I'll be sifting through poems and formatting it this week, so keep an eye out for that very soon!
LIFE-GIVING THINGS
Film: I went to see Greta Gerwig’s Little Women again, which is utterly delightful. I know, I’m sorry Winona fans, but Saorsie is my Jo now, and her speech about women and loneliness kills me every time.
Also, on Super Bowl Sunday I thoroughly ignored the sportsball mayhem and watched Miss Americana on Netflix, after which I said to Chris, “I like Taylor Swift’s music 25% more.” This is a fascinating documentary and sparked a lot of thoughts about vulnerability, celebrity, and art-making.
If you're looking for Miss Americana think pieces, here's an excellent essay by Charlotte Donlon about what this film has to say about the impossibility of being good.
Books: Still digging through that spiritual formation pile. Henri Nouwen's The Way of the Heart was one of the best books on prayer I've ever read. Currently excited to read Dark Night of the Soul by Gerald May because yes, I sort of geek out on this subject.
Music: The Lone Bellow’s new record Half-Moon Light has been in heavy rotation at Hotel Yokel. John Mark McMillan’s Peopled with Dreams is strange and glorious and I’m here for it. And Audrey Assad covering an almost 20 year old Jimmy Eat World song is a special magic I never knew I needed.
Me, listening to Audrey sing "The Middle":

Thanks, as always, for reading. As always, you can find me on Instagram and Twitter @jen_rose, and feel free to hit reply to share your Lent practices, tell me about good movies I should be watching, or just say hello. 💛
~Jen
jenroseyokel.com